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How Improper Budgeting Can Affect A Marriage

October 3, 2017 By Thinking of Someday

This month’s Success Story is a Budgeting For The Win interview from Ondria and Jason, and how improper budgeting can affect a marriage. Ondria blogs over at Pennies and Plans. I (Kim) met Ondria on Instagram. I had liked a couple of her posts and she had liked a couple of mines. What really sparked our conversation one day is when I shared a blog post written by Omar. The caption for the IG post posed the question about whether it’s possible that budgeting can help you love your spouse more. It went on to say that not only is it possible, but we planned to share 3 ways that it helps you to do so.

Ondria said that she was very interested in reading it, and I told her to let me know her thoughts about it when she got a chance. Once she finished reading the post she shared how much she enjoyed it and even shared it with her husband. She told me how it really hit home for them because a few years ago they almost divorced because of finances.

read: 3 Ways You’ll Learn To Love Your Spouse More With Budgeting

As I continued to read her story I knew that I had to ask her to do an interview with us. It was confirmed once I shared her story with Omar. So without giving away too much in the introduction to this interview, let’s go ahead and get to it!

How old are you?

Ondria: Jason and I are both 31-years-old. (I’m older!)

Are you married? Kids?

Ondria: Yes! We got married 10 years ago and we have two pretty awesome kids. Our daughter, Adrina (9), and our son, Jackson (10 months).

What do you do for a living?

Ondria: Jason is a Captain in the Army. I was a Lead Teller at Wells Fargo prior to being stationed here in Korea. Now I am back to being a stay-at-home mom.

What made you decide to start doing a budget?

Jason: We have always done a “budget”. Ondria has been handling our finances for years using some form of a budget. Problem was that we did not have a clear vision or plan. Now that I have reached a point in my military career where I am ready to move on, we have more motivation to make the budget right.

Now that you’re budgeting do you feel like you make more than you thought you made?

Ondria: We always felt like we made plenty of money and never knew where it went. Budgeting doesn’t necessarily make us feel richer in wealth, but richer in awareness.

Do you feel more restricted by the budget or do you feel more free?

Ondria: This is a yes and no. Jason feels more restricted in a sense because we have had to make big changes in the amount of money we spend on leisure. He went from having a $300 bi-weekly leisure allowance, to us having a $500 collective family allowance. As for me, I don’t feel as restricted. A lot is contributed to not leaving the house as often. I’m sure if I were to be out and about, it would sink in. We both do agree that we feel less trapped in debt though. We have an agreed upon savings stashed ($10k), and we know and can see our debt shrinking. So yes, freedom has graced us with its presence!

Now that you’re budgeting do you feel like you and your spouse are communicating in regards to finances?

Jason: Absolutely! Ondria prepares these elaborate spreadsheets and we go over it a couple times a month. It’s like learning a new language. They are that detailed. I guess that is why we must talk more about money. She says we both need to be able to pick up where the other left off. She was right.
Before, it was always in our best interest for Ondria to take control with me being deployed or gone frequently. I got so used to everything being handled by her, and maybe I would ask occasional questions. She swears I asked “21 questions,” but in all honesty, I couldn’t tell you a thing about the bills. There was a time I sat in a funk for about 2 months because she would give me the okay to transfer money to my leisure account and I saw nothing left afterward. I thought we were so tight we couldn’t save a dime. Then I found out that she made transfers out before giving me the okay. We saved over $3000 and I was clueless. Now I do feel much more involved and it’s because of the communication.

Ondria: I want to just add in that it has to be active communication! We can talk money all day, but each person has to be active. Actively listening. Actively engaging.

Not having a proper budget and the discipline to follow one almost ended our marriage. Our situation was so overwhelming and we lost enjoyment in everything, including our family. During the separation, we both learned some valuable things about money. Me, I learned the importance of saving and executing a budget. Jason learned it’s okay to spend and be rewarding, without going overboard.

Jason and I now have a plan that plays to each other’s strengths. I am great at making budget plans, debt payoff plans, etc. I love finding solutions, but I absolutely suck at execution and discipline. For example, I can easier be persuaded to buy a box of donuts just because I have extra money. Jason is very disciplined! He loves saving. So, he has taught me how to be more accountable. With that being said, I wouldn’t have become better if I didn’t practice better communication. I had to be more open and honest. Actively initiating is important. For example, telling him I have made those savings transfers would have been important.

What advice would you give to someone who isn’t doing a budget, but is thinking about it?

DO IT! IT’S SO WORTH IT!

Ondria: I think it’s important to have an endgame! Before making that commitment, everyone should have a good reason for doing it or they will just let it slip by the waist side. As for Jason, he feels it’s important to be honest with yourself. Starting a budget can be much like going cold turkey and quitting smoking. So, in this case, you have to know where you are at and create obtainable goals.

Our Thoughts: Thank you Ondria and Jason so much for sharing your story with us and with our readers. It’s very evident that improper budgeting can affect a marriage. Like you guys both stated, you must have active communication when it comes to budgeting and finances in a marriage. It’s important because both people need to be on the same page, but also because as Ondria and Jason stated – You need to be able to pick up where one left off, You need to be able to pick up where one left off, especially if the worst happens and one spouse is unable to do the budget or pay the bills.

** If you’re interested in helping us inspire others by telling your story of how doing a budget has helped you, please contact us. We would love to hear from you! **

** If you’re interested in doing a budget, but don’t know where to start, you can check out, How To Get Started With Doing A Zero-Based Budget, and if you need a budget template, you can check out the ones available in the shop. **

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Filed Under: Success Stories Tagged With: budgeting for the win, personal finance, zero-based budget

See what’s happening on Instagram…

thinkingofsomeday

As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we beca As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we became mortgage free. What better way to celebrate than a date night in our paid off home?! 😏
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So how does it feel?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Financially, we invested the most money we've ever invested. We also increased our lifestyle a bit as well to keep a healthy balance.
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Kim’s Perspective: 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s been great. For the longest it felt surreal and unbelievable that we actually did it. I never really worried about paying off the mortgage because I knew that worst case scenario, it would be paid off in 15 years, which would’ve been when we were 45 (and that’s not a bad age at all). However, it’s been nice to know that it’s not something that Omar is stressing over anymore. And since it was one of his biggest dreams/goals, it’s nice knowing that I was able to support him 100% of the way in making this happen for us and our family. I’m glad this is something he wanted to pursue and that I was actually on board with it. What I’ve enjoyed most about it is being able to spend more money (of course 😆) because a lot of things were put on hold while we focused on the payoff. So now I feel like I’m at that point where I can make our house more of a home for us. It literally feels like we’re in a new space (mentally and physically) and we’re loving it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Omar’s Perspective:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This past year has probably been the best year I've had in life. I've been the least stressed I've ever been, but took on the most responsibility at work I've ever taken on which lead to a promotion and an increase in income. This boggles my mind as more responsibility at work usually means more stress. I feel like I’ve been able to focus on other areas of my life more (my health/weight as well as making more of an effort to maintain my relationships with friends/family). Most importantly, I realize the strength of my marriage.  With the state of dating/relationships these days, I realize I won the lottery with Kim.  She's an amazing wife and mother. We've always had a good relationship but we're stronger than ever.  We started from the bottom now we're here (in my Drake voice). 🎶 #thislifeafterdebt
After taking some time to think about what we want After taking some time to think about what we wanted to focus on for this year, we decided that our word for the year is health.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Overall we both want to continue making healthier choices when it comes to eating. And we both want to focus on exercising more than we have in the past and be way more consistent with it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of the day, what’s money, financial freedom/independence and wealth if you’re not healthy? And we definitely have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc that run in our families. We have kids to live for and that’s what we plan to do to the best of our ability!
This is what our financial goals ended up looking This is what our financial goals ended up looking like for this year. We’re pretty pleased with the outcome and the fact that we still enjoyed ourselves throughout the year and even made some pretty big purchases (like that whole couch saga I shared in my stories 😆). We’re looking forward to seeing what the next year holds! #thislifeafterdebt
We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but if we had to say a word that was our word for this year it would be “intentional” by far.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021 we were very intentional about pulling money from an inherited IRA so that our tax bill wouldn’t be ridiculous like it would have been if we pulled a lump sum at one time. We then used the money to help pay off our mortgage 8 days into 2021.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What we were even more  intentional about was our plan for what we were going to do with our mortgage payment once we didn’t have a mortgage anymore. We didn’t want to frivolously spend that money. So we actually came up with our plan a couple months before making our final payment. But literally after that payment on January 8, 2020, our new mortgage-free budget was in full effect! So yea, “intentional” is definitely a good word to sum up 2021 for us. #thislifeafterdebt
Some of the things we automate are:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Our Budget:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For the longest we use to type everything we were going to spend or save into our budget template. It wasn’t super time consuming but it wasn’t efficient when it came to our regular bills/expenses. Then one day we decided to prefill the template and copy and paste it month to month for our regular bills/expenses. All we have to do is add anything else we spend.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Savings / Investing:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Most of our savings/investing and even our gas and spending money our automated transfers. It beats having to go in and make multiple transfers to our personal accounts and our sinking funds. The 529 accounts for the kids and the Roth IRAs are automatically transferred. But for the brokerage account we have to manually transfer the money because it’s never the same amount each paycheck.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Bill Pay:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’ve never been a fan of bill pay because I don’t like companies having that type of access to my money. 🥴 And whenever they mess up and charge you too much, they’ll try to just credit your account instead of putting the money back in your bank account. 🙄 However, I’m a tad bit more trusting these days. Lol. Our home alarm had no option but to be auto drafted. Since the amount wasn’t much and is always the same price, I agreed. And the only other bill auto drafted is our cell phone bill after many many years (gasp! haha). Some of the other bills are paid via online bill pay via our banking account. #thisfinancialconfession
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Doing all of this has been a game changer and time saver. Are you team automate or team manual?
It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuter It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuterie board. So I figured Christmas brunch was the perfect time. And plus, that meant less time in the kitchen for me with cooking because I knew I was going to be cooking dinner today. #piecesofsomeday
Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s gua Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s guaranteed that someone isn’t going to be looking. 😆 #christmas2021 #piecesofsomeday
We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down payment). We refinanced at $165k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we took 30 years to pay it off, our total would’ve been $293k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we paid the 30-year mortgage like a 15, then it would’ve been $225k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
After we refinanced to a 15-year, if we took 15 years to pay it off, then our total would’ve been $205k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead, we paid off our mortgage in a little over 7.5 years.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We ended up paying a total of $200k with interest.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Paying $200k for this home with how it looked when we purchased it sounded a lot better than having to pay a total of $293k if we end up being here for 30 years! This was yet another factor that helped us decide to pay it off early. #thislifeafterdebt
Part of the reason we decided to refinance and eve Part of the reason we decided to refinance and even pay our house off early is because of the amount of money we were paying in interest on our mortgage. So of course, several months after we paid off the mortgage I began to wonder just how much did we really pay in interest. So I asked Omar if there was a way to figure it out. At first he was like, “Really Kim?” 😳 And of course I was like, “Ummm yea.” 😬 Lol.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jun 2013 is when we bought the house. So there wasn’t much interest paid then.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2014 and 2015 is still when we had the 30-year mortgage. It’s also the years that we paid the most interest. We refinanced at the end of 2015.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2016 is when we made our first payment with the 15-year mortgage. It’s crazy how the amount of interest decreased based off that alone.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2019 is when we decided to pay off our mortgage early. It was supposed to take 6 years. But instead we used RSUs and sped it up tremendously.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jan 2021 is when we paid it off before our first payment would’ve been due. $27 was the last bit of interest we paid on our mortgage.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Grand total: $35,102.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we had continue to just make regular payments on the 15-year mortgage, we would’ve paid a total of $56,279. A difference of $21,177. 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 #thislifeafterdebt
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Hey! We’re Omar + Kim.

A married couple making someday a reality all while balancing family + finances + avoiding debt. Find out more about us, here.

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See what’s happening on Instagram

thinkingofsomeday

As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we beca As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we became mortgage free. What better way to celebrate than a date night in our paid off home?! 😏
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So how does it feel?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Financially, we invested the most money we've ever invested. We also increased our lifestyle a bit as well to keep a healthy balance.
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Kim’s Perspective: 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s been great. For the longest it felt surreal and unbelievable that we actually did it. I never really worried about paying off the mortgage because I knew that worst case scenario, it would be paid off in 15 years, which would’ve been when we were 45 (and that’s not a bad age at all). However, it’s been nice to know that it’s not something that Omar is stressing over anymore. And since it was one of his biggest dreams/goals, it’s nice knowing that I was able to support him 100% of the way in making this happen for us and our family. I’m glad this is something he wanted to pursue and that I was actually on board with it. What I’ve enjoyed most about it is being able to spend more money (of course 😆) because a lot of things were put on hold while we focused on the payoff. So now I feel like I’m at that point where I can make our house more of a home for us. It literally feels like we’re in a new space (mentally and physically) and we’re loving it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Omar’s Perspective:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This past year has probably been the best year I've had in life. I've been the least stressed I've ever been, but took on the most responsibility at work I've ever taken on which lead to a promotion and an increase in income. This boggles my mind as more responsibility at work usually means more stress. I feel like I’ve been able to focus on other areas of my life more (my health/weight as well as making more of an effort to maintain my relationships with friends/family). Most importantly, I realize the strength of my marriage.  With the state of dating/relationships these days, I realize I won the lottery with Kim.  She's an amazing wife and mother. We've always had a good relationship but we're stronger than ever.  We started from the bottom now we're here (in my Drake voice). 🎶 #thislifeafterdebt
After taking some time to think about what we want After taking some time to think about what we wanted to focus on for this year, we decided that our word for the year is health.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Overall we both want to continue making healthier choices when it comes to eating. And we both want to focus on exercising more than we have in the past and be way more consistent with it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of the day, what’s money, financial freedom/independence and wealth if you’re not healthy? And we definitely have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc that run in our families. We have kids to live for and that’s what we plan to do to the best of our ability!
This is what our financial goals ended up looking This is what our financial goals ended up looking like for this year. We’re pretty pleased with the outcome and the fact that we still enjoyed ourselves throughout the year and even made some pretty big purchases (like that whole couch saga I shared in my stories 😆). We’re looking forward to seeing what the next year holds! #thislifeafterdebt
We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but if we had to say a word that was our word for this year it would be “intentional” by far.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021 we were very intentional about pulling money from an inherited IRA so that our tax bill wouldn’t be ridiculous like it would have been if we pulled a lump sum at one time. We then used the money to help pay off our mortgage 8 days into 2021.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What we were even more  intentional about was our plan for what we were going to do with our mortgage payment once we didn’t have a mortgage anymore. We didn’t want to frivolously spend that money. So we actually came up with our plan a couple months before making our final payment. But literally after that payment on January 8, 2020, our new mortgage-free budget was in full effect! So yea, “intentional” is definitely a good word to sum up 2021 for us. #thislifeafterdebt
Some of the things we automate are:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Our Budget:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For the longest we use to type everything we were going to spend or save into our budget template. It wasn’t super time consuming but it wasn’t efficient when it came to our regular bills/expenses. Then one day we decided to prefill the template and copy and paste it month to month for our regular bills/expenses. All we have to do is add anything else we spend.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Savings / Investing:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Most of our savings/investing and even our gas and spending money our automated transfers. It beats having to go in and make multiple transfers to our personal accounts and our sinking funds. The 529 accounts for the kids and the Roth IRAs are automatically transferred. But for the brokerage account we have to manually transfer the money because it’s never the same amount each paycheck.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Bill Pay:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’ve never been a fan of bill pay because I don’t like companies having that type of access to my money. 🥴 And whenever they mess up and charge you too much, they’ll try to just credit your account instead of putting the money back in your bank account. 🙄 However, I’m a tad bit more trusting these days. Lol. Our home alarm had no option but to be auto drafted. Since the amount wasn’t much and is always the same price, I agreed. And the only other bill auto drafted is our cell phone bill after many many years (gasp! haha). Some of the other bills are paid via online bill pay via our banking account. #thisfinancialconfession
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Doing all of this has been a game changer and time saver. Are you team automate or team manual?
It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuter It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuterie board. So I figured Christmas brunch was the perfect time. And plus, that meant less time in the kitchen for me with cooking because I knew I was going to be cooking dinner today. #piecesofsomeday
Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s gua Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s guaranteed that someone isn’t going to be looking. 😆 #christmas2021 #piecesofsomeday
We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down payment). We refinanced at $165k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we took 30 years to pay it off, our total would’ve been $293k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we paid the 30-year mortgage like a 15, then it would’ve been $225k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
After we refinanced to a 15-year, if we took 15 years to pay it off, then our total would’ve been $205k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead, we paid off our mortgage in a little over 7.5 years.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We ended up paying a total of $200k with interest.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Paying $200k for this home with how it looked when we purchased it sounded a lot better than having to pay a total of $293k if we end up being here for 30 years! This was yet another factor that helped us decide to pay it off early. #thislifeafterdebt
Part of the reason we decided to refinance and eve Part of the reason we decided to refinance and even pay our house off early is because of the amount of money we were paying in interest on our mortgage. So of course, several months after we paid off the mortgage I began to wonder just how much did we really pay in interest. So I asked Omar if there was a way to figure it out. At first he was like, “Really Kim?” 😳 And of course I was like, “Ummm yea.” 😬 Lol.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jun 2013 is when we bought the house. So there wasn’t much interest paid then.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2014 and 2015 is still when we had the 30-year mortgage. It’s also the years that we paid the most interest. We refinanced at the end of 2015.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2016 is when we made our first payment with the 15-year mortgage. It’s crazy how the amount of interest decreased based off that alone.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2019 is when we decided to pay off our mortgage early. It was supposed to take 6 years. But instead we used RSUs and sped it up tremendously.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jan 2021 is when we paid it off before our first payment would’ve been due. $27 was the last bit of interest we paid on our mortgage.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Grand total: $35,102.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we had continue to just make regular payments on the 15-year mortgage, we would’ve paid a total of $56,279. A difference of $21,177. 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 #thislifeafterdebt
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