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The Dangers Of Comparing Yourself To Others

June 5, 2017 By Omar

On your journey to financial freedom, there are many pitfalls and traps. One of the most dangerous is comparing yourself to others. I don’t know why we do this, but it can be absolutely destructive. You might not even realize that you’re doing it, which is all the more reason to watch out for it and it’s detrimental effects. Here are some things to look for and reasons why you shouldn’t compare yourself to others.

The Dangers Of Comparing Yourself To Others

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It makes you feel bad about yourself.

Within your circle, there are people who work in many different careers. Some earn more than others. What I find is that within my circle I’m more likely to compare myself to those that appear to be doing “better” than me. All this accomplishes is making you feel bad about what you’ve done up to this point. There are two reactions to this.  

      1. It may cause you to become depressed and stagnant in your situation. 
      2. On the other hand, it may cause you to get hyper competitive with a close friend or family member which can ruin the relationship. 

Neither of these reactions is good for you in the long run.

You might be comparing yourself to the Joneses.

If you’re old enough you’ve heard of this fictional family before.  They have the biggest house on the block and the brand new shiny car. They have the latest electronics. Their kids go to private school, and they wear the nicest brands of clothes. This life looks good on the outside, but it’s tumultuous on the inside. Often times the Joneses have huge marital problems, spoiled kids, and so much debt that they can’t sleep at night. This might not be the case for all Joneses, but you get the point.   

In this age of social media, this is even more prevalent. You don’t see people posting about how they’re on the brink of divorce or how their finances are a hot mess. Instead, you see all the glitz and glamour even though that person’s life may be a complete train wreck.    

The truth is there aren’t enough material things in the world to satisfy you. What will satisfy you is progress – progress towards being a better version of yourself than you are today. 

You don’t know their journey.

Often times when comparing yourself to others you are completely ignorant of the path they took to get there. I was reading Retire Inspired a few weeks ago. There was a part that was explaining that kids try to obtain their parents’ standard of living throughout their 30s. So while it took their parents 30 or 40 years to get to where they are, the kids try to get to that point in 5 to 10 years. This is not a good idea. By the age of 30, you probably don’t know all the mistakes or sacrifices that your parents made to get to that point. You also might not know the income that they made during that time span.  Sometimes the assumption you make is that your parents are the golden standard of which you should follow when maybe you shouldn’t follow them. Not knowing someone’s journey isn’t only in regards to your parents, but it could be other family members or your friends as well.

It causes you to lose focus on the real goal – financial independence.

Deep down I don’t think most people want to be rich for the sake of being rich. What they really want is financial independence. For some reason, we equate the big house, the new car, and the fancy toys to financial independence. The reality is that most people go into huge amounts of debt for these things. Debt is the opposite of financial independence.  Studies like the Millionaire Next Door show that most people who are financially independent live modestly. They have a 3 or 4-year-old used car and an average home that they own outright. They avoid debt like the plague. Don’t give up your true opportunity at financial independence to put forward an image of it. 

Final Thoughts

So, while it’s somewhat natural to compare yourself to others, definitely take caution in doing so. Learn to be comfortable in your own financial shoes and focus more on what you’re trying to accomplish when you think about comparing yourself to others. 

Are you guilty of comparing yourself to others as well? How did you overcome this?

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Filed Under: Personal + Finance Tagged With: life tips

See what’s happening on Instagram…

thinkingofsomeday

No long caption. I just wanted to make our last “mortgage principal payoff” calendar update. 😆 It’s been a month and it still feels surreal to us...
On Christmas Eve morning, Omar left out of the bed On Christmas Eve morning, Omar left out of the bedroom saying that he had to go work on something. When he came back he handed me a letter that said:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“As I sit here on the edge of paying our home off I understand that it isn’t completely about us. Our job is to set the next generation up to do better than us, which makes me think of the generation before me. This final payment would not be possible without [Kim’s dad]. He spent his life working for this money and passed away before he got to use it for himself. We agreed to use that money in a way that would always honor him. So for the past 6 years it has funded our oldest son’s 529 [via the minimum required distribution]. Today, that money has grown enough to pay off our mortgage without touching the initial principal. Today we sever ties to debt forever. Today, we say thank you to [Kim’s dad] for the sacrifices he made and the foundation he laid that made it possible. THANK YOU!!”
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Of course after l finished reading the letter I was like... 🥺😭. Truth be told, I still kind of feel that way. It’s part of why it took so long to share the details of paying off our mortgage. Losing a parent is hard.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Pictured is my dad and I... my favorite picture of of us. He passed away 6 years ago on NYE. He was only 62. After he passed, I found out I was “entitled” to receive part of his pension. Omar and I decided to use some of this money to pay off our mortgage. This is how we were able to pay off most of our $54k balance 7 days into this year.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This is the short version, but if you want the full details, we wrote a blog post sharing:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• a recap of our initial mortgage payoff plan + payoff journey
• some background info about the pension + how we almost cashed it out when we first found out about it
• the breakdown of the $$ that it took to make this happen + why we did it this way
• how some things didn’t go as planned
• and each of our thoughts in regards to all of this
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You can find the link in our bio.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“In all that I do, I strive to make my parents proud. I like to think my dad would be damn proud of me... of us, for this one.” Kim #piecesofsomeday
#tbt To last Thursday (1/7/2021) when we became mo #tbt To last Thursday (1/7/2021) when we became mortgage free!! Yes, you read that correctly! We are 100% debt free! Like debt free, debt free. 🤣
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
To be honest, it’s been a week and it still doesn’t feel real to us yet. But it was real watching that money disappear from our account and no longer seeing our mortgage balance when we signed into our credit union account. We must say, our credit union works pretty fast! Lol.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We didn’t even get around to sharing our mortgage payoff goal for the year with one of the little cute pictures explaining how we were going to do it. But here’s a quick recap of the numbers that we were working with...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• mortgage principal: $54,507.37
• mortgage interest: $35.84
• reconveyance fee: $69.00
• paying off our mortgage... definitely not priceless, but oh so worth it!! 😂🙌🏽
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We’ll share more in depth details soon because you’re probably wondering how we came up with that amount of money 7 days into January. It definitely wasn’t from hitting the lottery! Lol. But until then, just know that...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
WE’RE MORTGAGE FREE!!! #piecesofsomeday
So we took some Christmas / family pictures back i So we took some Christmas / family pictures back in 2020 (as if that was so long ago), but I never got to share them. 😩 So here’s one. I actually like the fact that it’s in front of our house. #piecesofsomeday
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And I also wanted to add that we finally did another blog post after quite some time. Maybe we’re the world’s worst bloggers. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♂️ But if you’re interested, we’re sharing a recap of quarter 3 and quarter 4 from our mortgage payoff journey. We’re also sharing what our mortgage payoff goal is for 2021. We’re a bit excited about it! You can check it out at the link in our bio.
2020. This has been a year that I’m sure none of 2020. This has been a year that I’m sure none of us will ever forget. While this year has been ok for us for the most part, there are many people that it’s been a really really tough year for. Whether it’s been financially, emotionally, health wise, etc. etc. etc. So here’s to hoping that next year will be much much better, for everyone, but especially for those who had a tough time this year. ✨♥️
We started 2020 off with owning 43% of our house a We started 2020 off with owning 43% of our house and we now own 69% of it. We had paid off 39% of the mortgage loan and we’re finishing the year out at having 66% of it paid off. (These 2 numbers are not the same for us because of our 5% down payment as well as when we refinanced to a 15-year mortgage.) It’s been really exciting to see these numbers increase this year.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Annnnnd this concludes our December numbers. I can’t believe I managed to share them all before the end of the year!! 😂)
Q4 was our best quarter by far, mostly due to the Q4 was our best quarter by far, mostly due to the RSUs that we were able to use. However, even if we hadn’t been able to use them, Q4 would have still wrapped up nicely thanks to us still being able to stick to our 70/30 plan.
For December we were able to color in 4 rectangles For December we were able to color in 4 rectangles. This puts our mortgage balance for the end of 2020 at $54,507.37.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• 132 rectangles total
• 88 rectangles colored in
• 44 rectangles to go!!
The total of our mortgage principal payments for D The total of our mortgage principal payments for December was $3514.74.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
$995.13 came from our regular payment and $2519.61 came from our budget.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This put us at meeting our second stretch goal of putting a total of $45,000 towards our mortgage principal for the year! Yes, we did a little magic with our budget in order to get it at exactly $45k, but I’m sure that’s what we all do in when we’re trying to hit a certain number!! Haha.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We’re soooo happy that we were able to meet this goal because we really weren’t sure if it was going to be possible or not!
Follow Us

Comments

  1. rochelle says

    June 5, 2017 at 10:26 am

    fantastic subject!! I’m definitely guilty of this. something to think about.

    • Omar says

      June 5, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Thank you. And I do it too. I just have to remind myself that I don’t know of everything about the other person’s situation.

  2. Michaela says

    June 5, 2017 at 11:02 am

    YES! YES! YES! You don’t know their journey. I know I’ve fallen into this trap before especially when people say things like look what I did in 5 days! You can too! Ummm what about the months and years leading up to those 5 days. You may have put in 30 days or had 3 years of failures before those successful 5 days. It’s so important to remember when hanging out online that when you get to choose what you share others do as well!

  3. Chad says

    June 5, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    This is absolute truth. And it’s extremely hard to avoid at times because it feels like a race I’m trying to win to see who can pay down debt the fastest or am I on ‘pace’. I’ve had to remind myself that the race is mine and mine alone and to each his/her own. Great topic and reminder.

    • Omar says

      June 5, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      Exactly! It’s so easy to look at the glass half empty as opposed to half full.

  4. Jessica says

    June 5, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    Great topic and great read. It is SO EASY to compare yourself to others, and SO HARD to break the cycle of doing so…especially with so many outside pressures in the form of family, friends, social media…people even add fuel to the fire and not even know it by asking what they think are harmless questions “when are you starting that family?” “when are you going BACK to school?” “are you going for that next position?” These ‘harmless’ questions can cause you to look at your life and feel like you aren’t where you are supposed to be…compared to others around you…if you aren’t grounded with who you are RIGHT NOW.

    • Omar says

      June 5, 2017 at 5:09 pm

      Great points! I wonder how many people are unhappy in their lives because they succumbed to the pressure of what other people thought they should do. They may want the best for you but that doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you. Only you know that.

  5. Kris says

    June 7, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Pretty much on the money. I think many have to realize what makes them happy and not worry about others because it will make you feel that you will have catch up to them. Let them have the cool cars, couches, etc.., it makes them happy. Just respect that and do stuff that makes you satisfied. Everyone has their own identity and character so try not be carbon copy to someone else, be your own person.

    • Omar says

      June 8, 2017 at 7:12 pm

      I couldn’t agree more Kris. At the end of the day it’s all about doing what makes you happy!

  6. Jing Pei says

    June 8, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    Great post Omar! It’s so easy to forget that personal finance is…PERSONAL! In the past I’ve realized I started “wanting” something if someone else did (new job, new apartment, etc), and then realized…I’m perfectly happy where I am. When I’m unsatisfied, I’ll know that’s the time to move forward. 🙂

    • Omar says

      June 9, 2017 at 9:29 am

      Thank you! The personal part is my favorite part of personal finance honestly. The thought that I get to define what it is that I want out of life then make it happen is really exciting!

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A married couple making someday a reality all while balancing family + finances + avoiding debt. Find out more about us, here.

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See what’s happening on Instagram

thinkingofsomeday

No long caption. I just wanted to make our last “mortgage principal payoff” calendar update. 😆 It’s been a month and it still feels surreal to us...
On Christmas Eve morning, Omar left out of the bed On Christmas Eve morning, Omar left out of the bedroom saying that he had to go work on something. When he came back he handed me a letter that said:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“As I sit here on the edge of paying our home off I understand that it isn’t completely about us. Our job is to set the next generation up to do better than us, which makes me think of the generation before me. This final payment would not be possible without [Kim’s dad]. He spent his life working for this money and passed away before he got to use it for himself. We agreed to use that money in a way that would always honor him. So for the past 6 years it has funded our oldest son’s 529 [via the minimum required distribution]. Today, that money has grown enough to pay off our mortgage without touching the initial principal. Today we sever ties to debt forever. Today, we say thank you to [Kim’s dad] for the sacrifices he made and the foundation he laid that made it possible. THANK YOU!!”
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Of course after l finished reading the letter I was like... 🥺😭. Truth be told, I still kind of feel that way. It’s part of why it took so long to share the details of paying off our mortgage. Losing a parent is hard.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Pictured is my dad and I... my favorite picture of of us. He passed away 6 years ago on NYE. He was only 62. After he passed, I found out I was “entitled” to receive part of his pension. Omar and I decided to use some of this money to pay off our mortgage. This is how we were able to pay off most of our $54k balance 7 days into this year.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This is the short version, but if you want the full details, we wrote a blog post sharing:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• a recap of our initial mortgage payoff plan + payoff journey
• some background info about the pension + how we almost cashed it out when we first found out about it
• the breakdown of the $$ that it took to make this happen + why we did it this way
• how some things didn’t go as planned
• and each of our thoughts in regards to all of this
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You can find the link in our bio.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“In all that I do, I strive to make my parents proud. I like to think my dad would be damn proud of me... of us, for this one.” Kim #piecesofsomeday
#tbt To last Thursday (1/7/2021) when we became mo #tbt To last Thursday (1/7/2021) when we became mortgage free!! Yes, you read that correctly! We are 100% debt free! Like debt free, debt free. 🤣
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
To be honest, it’s been a week and it still doesn’t feel real to us yet. But it was real watching that money disappear from our account and no longer seeing our mortgage balance when we signed into our credit union account. We must say, our credit union works pretty fast! Lol.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We didn’t even get around to sharing our mortgage payoff goal for the year with one of the little cute pictures explaining how we were going to do it. But here’s a quick recap of the numbers that we were working with...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• mortgage principal: $54,507.37
• mortgage interest: $35.84
• reconveyance fee: $69.00
• paying off our mortgage... definitely not priceless, but oh so worth it!! 😂🙌🏽
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We’ll share more in depth details soon because you’re probably wondering how we came up with that amount of money 7 days into January. It definitely wasn’t from hitting the lottery! Lol. But until then, just know that...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
WE’RE MORTGAGE FREE!!! #piecesofsomeday
So we took some Christmas / family pictures back i So we took some Christmas / family pictures back in 2020 (as if that was so long ago), but I never got to share them. 😩 So here’s one. I actually like the fact that it’s in front of our house. #piecesofsomeday
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And I also wanted to add that we finally did another blog post after quite some time. Maybe we’re the world’s worst bloggers. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♂️ But if you’re interested, we’re sharing a recap of quarter 3 and quarter 4 from our mortgage payoff journey. We’re also sharing what our mortgage payoff goal is for 2021. We’re a bit excited about it! You can check it out at the link in our bio.
2020. This has been a year that I’m sure none of 2020. This has been a year that I’m sure none of us will ever forget. While this year has been ok for us for the most part, there are many people that it’s been a really really tough year for. Whether it’s been financially, emotionally, health wise, etc. etc. etc. So here’s to hoping that next year will be much much better, for everyone, but especially for those who had a tough time this year. ✨♥️
We started 2020 off with owning 43% of our house a We started 2020 off with owning 43% of our house and we now own 69% of it. We had paid off 39% of the mortgage loan and we’re finishing the year out at having 66% of it paid off. (These 2 numbers are not the same for us because of our 5% down payment as well as when we refinanced to a 15-year mortgage.) It’s been really exciting to see these numbers increase this year.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Annnnnd this concludes our December numbers. I can’t believe I managed to share them all before the end of the year!! 😂)
Q4 was our best quarter by far, mostly due to the Q4 was our best quarter by far, mostly due to the RSUs that we were able to use. However, even if we hadn’t been able to use them, Q4 would have still wrapped up nicely thanks to us still being able to stick to our 70/30 plan.
For December we were able to color in 4 rectangles For December we were able to color in 4 rectangles. This puts our mortgage balance for the end of 2020 at $54,507.37.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• 132 rectangles total
• 88 rectangles colored in
• 44 rectangles to go!!
The total of our mortgage principal payments for D The total of our mortgage principal payments for December was $3514.74.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
$995.13 came from our regular payment and $2519.61 came from our budget.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This put us at meeting our second stretch goal of putting a total of $45,000 towards our mortgage principal for the year! Yes, we did a little magic with our budget in order to get it at exactly $45k, but I’m sure that’s what we all do in when we’re trying to hit a certain number!! Haha.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We’re soooo happy that we were able to meet this goal because we really weren’t sure if it was going to be possible or not!
Follow Us

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