Thinking of Someday

Making Someday A Reality

  • Start Here
    • Start Here
    • About
  • Topics
    • Personal + Finance
    • Life + Home
    • Success Stories
    • Blogging
  • Resources
  • Shop

The Dangers Of Comparing Yourself To Others

June 5, 2017 By Omar

On your journey to financial freedom, there are many pitfalls and traps. One of the most dangerous is comparing yourself to others. I don’t know why we do this, but it can be absolutely destructive. You might not even realize that you’re doing it, which is all the more reason to watch out for it and it’s detrimental effects. Here are some things to look for and reasons why you shouldn’t compare yourself to others.

The Dangers Of Comparing Yourself To Others

Disclosure: This page contains affiliate links, which means that we may receive compensation if you click on those links and make a purchase or sign up for a program. This is at no additional cost to you and helps support the blog. You can read our affiliate disclosure here for more information.

It makes you feel bad about yourself.

Within your circle, there are people who work in many different careers. Some earn more than others. What I find is that within my circle I’m more likely to compare myself to those that appear to be doing “better” than me. All this accomplishes is making you feel bad about what you’ve done up to this point. There are two reactions to this.  

      1. It may cause you to become depressed and stagnant in your situation. 
      2. On the other hand, it may cause you to get hyper competitive with a close friend or family member which can ruin the relationship. 

Neither of these reactions is good for you in the long run.

You might be comparing yourself to the Joneses.

If you’re old enough you’ve heard of this fictional family before.  They have the biggest house on the block and the brand new shiny car. They have the latest electronics. Their kids go to private school, and they wear the nicest brands of clothes. This life looks good on the outside, but it’s tumultuous on the inside. Often times the Joneses have huge marital problems, spoiled kids, and so much debt that they can’t sleep at night. This might not be the case for all Joneses, but you get the point.   

In this age of social media, this is even more prevalent. You don’t see people posting about how they’re on the brink of divorce or how their finances are a hot mess. Instead, you see all the glitz and glamour even though that person’s life may be a complete train wreck.    

The truth is there aren’t enough material things in the world to satisfy you. What will satisfy you is progress – progress towards being a better version of yourself than you are today. 

You don’t know their journey.

Often times when comparing yourself to others you are completely ignorant of the path they took to get there. I was reading Retire Inspired a few weeks ago. There was a part that was explaining that kids try to obtain their parents’ standard of living throughout their 30s. So while it took their parents 30 or 40 years to get to where they are, the kids try to get to that point in 5 to 10 years. This is not a good idea. By the age of 30, you probably don’t know all the mistakes or sacrifices that your parents made to get to that point. You also might not know the income that they made during that time span.  Sometimes the assumption you make is that your parents are the golden standard of which you should follow when maybe you shouldn’t follow them. Not knowing someone’s journey isn’t only in regards to your parents, but it could be other family members or your friends as well.

It causes you to lose focus on the real goal – financial independence.

Deep down I don’t think most people want to be rich for the sake of being rich. What they really want is financial independence. For some reason, we equate the big house, the new car, and the fancy toys to financial independence. The reality is that most people go into huge amounts of debt for these things. Debt is the opposite of financial independence.  Studies like the Millionaire Next Door show that most people who are financially independent live modestly. They have a 3 or 4-year-old used car and an average home that they own outright. They avoid debt like the plague. Don’t give up your true opportunity at financial independence to put forward an image of it. 

Final Thoughts

So, while it’s somewhat natural to compare yourself to others, definitely take caution in doing so. Learn to be comfortable in your own financial shoes and focus more on what you’re trying to accomplish when you think about comparing yourself to others. 

Are you guilty of comparing yourself to others as well? How did you overcome this?

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Personal + Finance Tagged With: life tips

See what’s happening on Instagram…

thinkingofsomeday

As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we beca As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we became mortgage free. What better way to celebrate than a date night in our paid off home?! 😏
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So how does it feel?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Financially, we invested the most money we've ever invested. We also increased our lifestyle a bit as well to keep a healthy balance.
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Kim’s Perspective: 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s been great. For the longest it felt surreal and unbelievable that we actually did it. I never really worried about paying off the mortgage because I knew that worst case scenario, it would be paid off in 15 years, which would’ve been when we were 45 (and that’s not a bad age at all). However, it’s been nice to know that it’s not something that Omar is stressing over anymore. And since it was one of his biggest dreams/goals, it’s nice knowing that I was able to support him 100% of the way in making this happen for us and our family. I’m glad this is something he wanted to pursue and that I was actually on board with it. What I’ve enjoyed most about it is being able to spend more money (of course 😆) because a lot of things were put on hold while we focused on the payoff. So now I feel like I’m at that point where I can make our house more of a home for us. It literally feels like we’re in a new space (mentally and physically) and we’re loving it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Omar’s Perspective:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This past year has probably been the best year I've had in life. I've been the least stressed I've ever been, but took on the most responsibility at work I've ever taken on which lead to a promotion and an increase in income. This boggles my mind as more responsibility at work usually means more stress. I feel like I’ve been able to focus on other areas of my life more (my health/weight as well as making more of an effort to maintain my relationships with friends/family). Most importantly, I realize the strength of my marriage.  With the state of dating/relationships these days, I realize I won the lottery with Kim.  She's an amazing wife and mother. We've always had a good relationship but we're stronger than ever.  We started from the bottom now we're here (in my Drake voice). 🎶 #thislifeafterdebt
After taking some time to think about what we want After taking some time to think about what we wanted to focus on for this year, we decided that our word for the year is health.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Overall we both want to continue making healthier choices when it comes to eating. And we both want to focus on exercising more than we have in the past and be way more consistent with it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of the day, what’s money, financial freedom/independence and wealth if you’re not healthy? And we definitely have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc that run in our families. We have kids to live for and that’s what we plan to do to the best of our ability!
This is what our financial goals ended up looking This is what our financial goals ended up looking like for this year. We’re pretty pleased with the outcome and the fact that we still enjoyed ourselves throughout the year and even made some pretty big purchases (like that whole couch saga I shared in my stories 😆). We’re looking forward to seeing what the next year holds! #thislifeafterdebt
We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but if we had to say a word that was our word for this year it would be “intentional” by far.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021 we were very intentional about pulling money from an inherited IRA so that our tax bill wouldn’t be ridiculous like it would have been if we pulled a lump sum at one time. We then used the money to help pay off our mortgage 8 days into 2021.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What we were even more  intentional about was our plan for what we were going to do with our mortgage payment once we didn’t have a mortgage anymore. We didn’t want to frivolously spend that money. So we actually came up with our plan a couple months before making our final payment. But literally after that payment on January 8, 2020, our new mortgage-free budget was in full effect! So yea, “intentional” is definitely a good word to sum up 2021 for us. #thislifeafterdebt
Some of the things we automate are:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Our Budget:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For the longest we use to type everything we were going to spend or save into our budget template. It wasn’t super time consuming but it wasn’t efficient when it came to our regular bills/expenses. Then one day we decided to prefill the template and copy and paste it month to month for our regular bills/expenses. All we have to do is add anything else we spend.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Savings / Investing:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Most of our savings/investing and even our gas and spending money our automated transfers. It beats having to go in and make multiple transfers to our personal accounts and our sinking funds. The 529 accounts for the kids and the Roth IRAs are automatically transferred. But for the brokerage account we have to manually transfer the money because it’s never the same amount each paycheck.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Bill Pay:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’ve never been a fan of bill pay because I don’t like companies having that type of access to my money. 🥴 And whenever they mess up and charge you too much, they’ll try to just credit your account instead of putting the money back in your bank account. 🙄 However, I’m a tad bit more trusting these days. Lol. Our home alarm had no option but to be auto drafted. Since the amount wasn’t much and is always the same price, I agreed. And the only other bill auto drafted is our cell phone bill after many many years (gasp! haha). Some of the other bills are paid via online bill pay via our banking account. #thisfinancialconfession
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Doing all of this has been a game changer and time saver. Are you team automate or team manual?
It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuter It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuterie board. So I figured Christmas brunch was the perfect time. And plus, that meant less time in the kitchen for me with cooking because I knew I was going to be cooking dinner today. #piecesofsomeday
Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s gua Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s guaranteed that someone isn’t going to be looking. 😆 #christmas2021 #piecesofsomeday
We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down payment). We refinanced at $165k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we took 30 years to pay it off, our total would’ve been $293k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we paid the 30-year mortgage like a 15, then it would’ve been $225k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
After we refinanced to a 15-year, if we took 15 years to pay it off, then our total would’ve been $205k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead, we paid off our mortgage in a little over 7.5 years.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We ended up paying a total of $200k with interest.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Paying $200k for this home with how it looked when we purchased it sounded a lot better than having to pay a total of $293k if we end up being here for 30 years! This was yet another factor that helped us decide to pay it off early. #thislifeafterdebt
Part of the reason we decided to refinance and eve Part of the reason we decided to refinance and even pay our house off early is because of the amount of money we were paying in interest on our mortgage. So of course, several months after we paid off the mortgage I began to wonder just how much did we really pay in interest. So I asked Omar if there was a way to figure it out. At first he was like, “Really Kim?” 😳 And of course I was like, “Ummm yea.” 😬 Lol.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jun 2013 is when we bought the house. So there wasn’t much interest paid then.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2014 and 2015 is still when we had the 30-year mortgage. It’s also the years that we paid the most interest. We refinanced at the end of 2015.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2016 is when we made our first payment with the 15-year mortgage. It’s crazy how the amount of interest decreased based off that alone.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2019 is when we decided to pay off our mortgage early. It was supposed to take 6 years. But instead we used RSUs and sped it up tremendously.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jan 2021 is when we paid it off before our first payment would’ve been due. $27 was the last bit of interest we paid on our mortgage.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Grand total: $35,102.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we had continue to just make regular payments on the 15-year mortgage, we would’ve paid a total of $56,279. A difference of $21,177. 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 #thislifeafterdebt
Follow Us

Comments

  1. rochelle says

    June 5, 2017 at 10:26 am

    fantastic subject!! I’m definitely guilty of this. something to think about.

    • Omar says

      June 5, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Thank you. And I do it too. I just have to remind myself that I don’t know of everything about the other person’s situation.

  2. Michaela says

    June 5, 2017 at 11:02 am

    YES! YES! YES! You don’t know their journey. I know I’ve fallen into this trap before especially when people say things like look what I did in 5 days! You can too! Ummm what about the months and years leading up to those 5 days. You may have put in 30 days or had 3 years of failures before those successful 5 days. It’s so important to remember when hanging out online that when you get to choose what you share others do as well!

  3. Chad says

    June 5, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    This is absolute truth. And it’s extremely hard to avoid at times because it feels like a race I’m trying to win to see who can pay down debt the fastest or am I on ‘pace’. I’ve had to remind myself that the race is mine and mine alone and to each his/her own. Great topic and reminder.

    • Omar says

      June 5, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      Exactly! It’s so easy to look at the glass half empty as opposed to half full.

  4. Jessica says

    June 5, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    Great topic and great read. It is SO EASY to compare yourself to others, and SO HARD to break the cycle of doing so…especially with so many outside pressures in the form of family, friends, social media…people even add fuel to the fire and not even know it by asking what they think are harmless questions “when are you starting that family?” “when are you going BACK to school?” “are you going for that next position?” These ‘harmless’ questions can cause you to look at your life and feel like you aren’t where you are supposed to be…compared to others around you…if you aren’t grounded with who you are RIGHT NOW.

    • Omar says

      June 5, 2017 at 5:09 pm

      Great points! I wonder how many people are unhappy in their lives because they succumbed to the pressure of what other people thought they should do. They may want the best for you but that doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you. Only you know that.

  5. Kris says

    June 7, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Pretty much on the money. I think many have to realize what makes them happy and not worry about others because it will make you feel that you will have catch up to them. Let them have the cool cars, couches, etc.., it makes them happy. Just respect that and do stuff that makes you satisfied. Everyone has their own identity and character so try not be carbon copy to someone else, be your own person.

    • Omar says

      June 8, 2017 at 7:12 pm

      I couldn’t agree more Kris. At the end of the day it’s all about doing what makes you happy!

  6. Jing Pei says

    June 8, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    Great post Omar! It’s so easy to forget that personal finance is…PERSONAL! In the past I’ve realized I started “wanting” something if someone else did (new job, new apartment, etc), and then realized…I’m perfectly happy where I am. When I’m unsatisfied, I’ll know that’s the time to move forward. 🙂

    • Omar says

      June 9, 2017 at 9:29 am

      Thank you! The personal part is my favorite part of personal finance honestly. The thought that I get to define what it is that I want out of life then make it happen is really exciting!

  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Looking For Something?

Hey! We’re Omar + Kim.

A married couple making someday a reality all while balancing family + finances + avoiding debt. Find out more about us, here.

subscribe + receive post updates

See what’s happening on Instagram

thinkingofsomeday

As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we beca As of 1/8/2022, it’s been one year since we became mortgage free. What better way to celebrate than a date night in our paid off home?! 😏
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So how does it feel?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Financially, we invested the most money we've ever invested. We also increased our lifestyle a bit as well to keep a healthy balance.
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Kim’s Perspective: 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s been great. For the longest it felt surreal and unbelievable that we actually did it. I never really worried about paying off the mortgage because I knew that worst case scenario, it would be paid off in 15 years, which would’ve been when we were 45 (and that’s not a bad age at all). However, it’s been nice to know that it’s not something that Omar is stressing over anymore. And since it was one of his biggest dreams/goals, it’s nice knowing that I was able to support him 100% of the way in making this happen for us and our family. I’m glad this is something he wanted to pursue and that I was actually on board with it. What I’ve enjoyed most about it is being able to spend more money (of course 😆) because a lot of things were put on hold while we focused on the payoff. So now I feel like I’m at that point where I can make our house more of a home for us. It literally feels like we’re in a new space (mentally and physically) and we’re loving it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Omar’s Perspective:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This past year has probably been the best year I've had in life. I've been the least stressed I've ever been, but took on the most responsibility at work I've ever taken on which lead to a promotion and an increase in income. This boggles my mind as more responsibility at work usually means more stress. I feel like I’ve been able to focus on other areas of my life more (my health/weight as well as making more of an effort to maintain my relationships with friends/family). Most importantly, I realize the strength of my marriage.  With the state of dating/relationships these days, I realize I won the lottery with Kim.  She's an amazing wife and mother. We've always had a good relationship but we're stronger than ever.  We started from the bottom now we're here (in my Drake voice). 🎶 #thislifeafterdebt
After taking some time to think about what we want After taking some time to think about what we wanted to focus on for this year, we decided that our word for the year is health.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Overall we both want to continue making healthier choices when it comes to eating. And we both want to focus on exercising more than we have in the past and be way more consistent with it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of the day, what’s money, financial freedom/independence and wealth if you’re not healthy? And we definitely have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc that run in our families. We have kids to live for and that’s what we plan to do to the best of our ability!
This is what our financial goals ended up looking This is what our financial goals ended up looking like for this year. We’re pretty pleased with the outcome and the fact that we still enjoyed ourselves throughout the year and even made some pretty big purchases (like that whole couch saga I shared in my stories 😆). We’re looking forward to seeing what the next year holds! #thislifeafterdebt
We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but We didn’t officially choose a word for 2021, but if we had to say a word that was our word for this year it would be “intentional” by far.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
At the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021 we were very intentional about pulling money from an inherited IRA so that our tax bill wouldn’t be ridiculous like it would have been if we pulled a lump sum at one time. We then used the money to help pay off our mortgage 8 days into 2021.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What we were even more  intentional about was our plan for what we were going to do with our mortgage payment once we didn’t have a mortgage anymore. We didn’t want to frivolously spend that money. So we actually came up with our plan a couple months before making our final payment. But literally after that payment on January 8, 2020, our new mortgage-free budget was in full effect! So yea, “intentional” is definitely a good word to sum up 2021 for us. #thislifeafterdebt
Some of the things we automate are:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Our Budget:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For the longest we use to type everything we were going to spend or save into our budget template. It wasn’t super time consuming but it wasn’t efficient when it came to our regular bills/expenses. Then one day we decided to prefill the template and copy and paste it month to month for our regular bills/expenses. All we have to do is add anything else we spend.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Savings / Investing:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Most of our savings/investing and even our gas and spending money our automated transfers. It beats having to go in and make multiple transfers to our personal accounts and our sinking funds. The 529 accounts for the kids and the Roth IRAs are automatically transferred. But for the brokerage account we have to manually transfer the money because it’s never the same amount each paycheck.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Bill Pay:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’ve never been a fan of bill pay because I don’t like companies having that type of access to my money. 🥴 And whenever they mess up and charge you too much, they’ll try to just credit your account instead of putting the money back in your bank account. 🙄 However, I’m a tad bit more trusting these days. Lol. Our home alarm had no option but to be auto drafted. Since the amount wasn’t much and is always the same price, I agreed. And the only other bill auto drafted is our cell phone bill after many many years (gasp! haha). Some of the other bills are paid via online bill pay via our banking account. #thisfinancialconfession
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Doing all of this has been a game changer and time saver. Are you team automate or team manual?
It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuter It’s been a minute since I’ve made a charcuterie board. So I figured Christmas brunch was the perfect time. And plus, that meant less time in the kitchen for me with cooking because I knew I was going to be cooking dinner today. #piecesofsomeday
Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s gua Merry Christmas! And 2 pictures because it’s guaranteed that someone isn’t going to be looking. 😆 #christmas2021 #piecesofsomeday
We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down We purchased our house for $168.5k (after the down payment). We refinanced at $165k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we took 30 years to pay it off, our total would’ve been $293k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we paid the 30-year mortgage like a 15, then it would’ve been $225k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
After we refinanced to a 15-year, if we took 15 years to pay it off, then our total would’ve been $205k.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead, we paid off our mortgage in a little over 7.5 years.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We ended up paying a total of $200k with interest.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Paying $200k for this home with how it looked when we purchased it sounded a lot better than having to pay a total of $293k if we end up being here for 30 years! This was yet another factor that helped us decide to pay it off early. #thislifeafterdebt
Part of the reason we decided to refinance and eve Part of the reason we decided to refinance and even pay our house off early is because of the amount of money we were paying in interest on our mortgage. So of course, several months after we paid off the mortgage I began to wonder just how much did we really pay in interest. So I asked Omar if there was a way to figure it out. At first he was like, “Really Kim?” 😳 And of course I was like, “Ummm yea.” 😬 Lol.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jun 2013 is when we bought the house. So there wasn’t much interest paid then.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2014 and 2015 is still when we had the 30-year mortgage. It’s also the years that we paid the most interest. We refinanced at the end of 2015.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2016 is when we made our first payment with the 15-year mortgage. It’s crazy how the amount of interest decreased based off that alone.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2019 is when we decided to pay off our mortgage early. It was supposed to take 6 years. But instead we used RSUs and sped it up tremendously.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Jan 2021 is when we paid it off before our first payment would’ve been due. $27 was the last bit of interest we paid on our mortgage.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Grand total: $35,102.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If we had continue to just make regular payments on the 15-year mortgage, we would’ve paid a total of $56,279. A difference of $21,177. 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 #thislifeafterdebt
Follow Us

Contact Us                             Start Here 

 

About                                        Subscribe

Copyright © 2022 · Thinking of Someday · Terms of Service · Disclosure

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.